TEASING/BULLYING
Cruelness vs. Kindness
Teasing: annoying, harassing, playful kidding
What is bullying? (a person who hurts, frightens or tyrannizes over those who are smaller or weaker)
*being called "names"(put-downs) What's different?
*being teased, threatened, taunted, etc. *Intent to harm
*being pushed, pulled about, hit or attacked *Intensity/Duration
*being ignored and left out *Power/Vulnerability
*being forced to hand over money, possessions *Lack of Support
*having rumors spread about you *Long-term consequences

Who are bullies? (characteristics of bullies)
*kids from unhappy homes (lack of bonding, neglect/lack of needs met,
inadequate or poor supervision/parenting, aggressive-bullying
modeling from siblings and/or parent, lack guilt-undeveloped or
underdeveloped conscience, lack empathy, misbehave more often at
home and at school, when disciplined from misbehavior-they are
usually given cruel, harsh (physical) consequences
*kids with low self-esteem and/or highly insecure(not always low self-esteem)
*kids who find it hard to establish "positive" friendships
*kids who fear they can't get attention any other way
*kids who are hoping they'll look good
*kids who have learning problems
*kids who go along with other bullies so they won't get bullied
*kids who are seeking revenge (retaliating)/former bullies
*50% of all identified school bullies become criminals as adults; bullies
a age 8 are 3 times more likely to be convicted of a crime by age 30;
children from violent homes are 3 times more likely to become bullies

Who are victims?
*anxious, insecure, cautious, passive, sensitive kids (vulnerable)
*kids who lack social skills and/or are socially isolated
*kids who have close, overprotective parents

What can/should you do?
1)Know why you are teased?
Physical-weight/looks/glasses/clothes/physical features-hair/nose
"fat, skinny, dumb, smart, fags, lesbians, geeks, retards, nerds,
minorities, talk funny, walk funny, disabled, handicapped, etc."
Family-Where you live/Family Income
Something you said or did!
2)Change your attitude!
a)not your fault (don't blame yourself, some things are beyond your control)
b)don't get angry (game/win-lose)
c)learn to be more assertive-speak up for yourself (verbal self-defense)
3)Three warnings
a)teasing will get worse before it gets better
b)follow the instructions 100% of the time
c)the teasing won't entirely stop
4)Handling Rumors
a)Do you believe it?
b)You can believe what you like; are you really that gullible?
5)Physical bullying-hitting/pushing/physical threats
a)ignore/change the topic
b)find allies-other people who will stand up for each other
c)leave/avoid the situation
d)report the incident to a responsible adult: parent, teacher,
counselor, principal, police officer, etc.
e)if the first adult doesn't help, go to another responsible adult
6)Revenge/don't tease back and/or make the bully mad enough to
seek revenge
7)Have a sense of humor
8)Lose your fear-"we have nothing to fear, but fear itself"

Some good websites on teasing/bullying:
http://www.bullying.org (lots of great links)
http://www.restorethefamily.com/teasing.htm
http://www.uccs.edu/~kindness/issue6/bullyart.htm
http://teasingvictims.com
http://www.mri.org/tabs.html
http://www.ed.gov/databases/ERIC_Digests/ed407154.html
http://www.mindpub.com/art192.htm
http://www.accesseric.org:81/resources/parent/bullying.html
http://lincoln.midcoast.com/~wps/against/bullying.html

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/pubs/cbm/youthviolence.html
Partnership Values vs. Dominator Values (culture of violence)
*Resolve conflicts peaceably vs. Create conflicts through bullying
*Take Responsibility for actions vs. Take no responsibility
*Admit mistakes/learn from them vs. Blame others/never learn/grudge
*Tolerance, respect diversity vs. Prejudice/intolerance/hate
*Egalitarian relationships/mutual vs. Exploitation of
respect/trust/caring women/children/minorities
*Respect others/freedom/human vs. Disrespect/control/
rights
*Respect laws/find common ground vs. "Might makes right"/No law
*Emphasis on positives/optimism vs. Overemphasis on negativity