Enabling is doing for others what
they need to do for themselves. It is reacting to a person in
such a way to shield him or her from experiencing the full impact
of the consequences of their behavior. Enabling behavior differs
from helping in that it permits or allows the person to be irresponsible.
Protects others from the natural
consequences of their behavior.
Keeps secrets about someones
behavior from others in order to keep peace.
Makes excuses for a persons
behavior (school, friends, legal authorities, work and other family
Bails a person out of trouble (debts,
fixing tickets, paying lawyers and providing jobs).
Blames others for the dependent
persons behaviors (friends, teachers, employers, family
Sees The Problem as
the result of something else (shyness, adolescence, loneliness,
broken home, ADHD or another illness).
Avoids the dependent person in order
to keep peace (out-of-sight, out-of-mind).
Gives money that is undeserved/unearned.
Attempts to control that which is
not in the enablers control (planning activities,
choosing friends and getting jobs).
Makes threats that have no follow-through
Caretakes the dependent
person (doing what he/she is expected to do for themselves).
Are you an Enabler?
Are you an Enabler or a Helper?
Making the Connection
and Rescue vs. Tough Love
Help, Teens Hurt
Enabling vs. Constraining
Enabling: Disaster Preparedness for Parents
Addicted Family Roles
Enabling and Co-Dependency
Enabling, Special Needs and Normalization
Changing Enabling Behavior
7 Steps to Maturity: Adolescent Years
Natural and Logical Consequences
Tools for Being Firm: Natural Consequences
Effectiveness of Natural and Logical Consequences
Techniques to Set Rules and Consequences for your Teen
8 Logical Consequence Guidelines
10 Techniques to Shape Children's Behavior
General Strategies for Working with Supersensitive
Behavior Modification in the Classroom
Making Discipline Positive
TO THE ENABLER
You're sorry for a troubled soul;
I'm sorry for her too,
but as for how to help,
we have a different point of view.
The basis of your sympathy
for her is that you feel
the whole world is against her;
she was dealt a rotten deal.
You're sorry things don't go her
while I believe she brings
it on herself because she
will not go the way of things.
You may suspect I'm speaking from
a cold uncaring heart
because it seems I have
no more resources to impart.
It comes through years of living
from one crisis to another;
through burial of hopes and dreams
known only to a mother.
So if the key to understanding
lies within one's self.
the question is how much
another can or cannot help.
For I believe that she alone
can willingly release
her bitterness and hate
to find true happiness and peace.
And, rest assured, if we should
that miracle occur
I'll be here with wide open heart
and arms to welcome her.
So think whatever you will think,
and say what you will say;
we both may love her equally
but in a different way.
~ | Mary K. Sullivan | ~